Odd Bob's Odd Job

by Julie Bloom & Derek De Koff

1. According to the National Enquirer, Robert Downey Jr. has taken to hanging out at a Beverly Hills Union 76 gas station. What odd behaviors have patrons witnessed the actor engaged in?

A. Reenacting some of the zanier bits from Chaplin.
B. Prominently displaying a cardboard sign reading WILL ACT FOR METH.
C. Swiping Slim Jims.
D. Wiping windows and gleefully strumming a guitar and singing.
E. Volunteering to do 15-minute lube jobs.
F. Handing out Hare Krishna cookbooks.

2. According to People, Bell’s Palsy, a disorder that causes facial paralysis, has become the disease to have among Hollywood leading men. Which one of the following actors is not afflicted by this condition?

A. George Clooney
B. Pierce Brosnan
C. Jamey Sheridan
D. Cedric the Entertainer

3. “I like being in a relationship. That’s who I am. You know, sex means something to me. When I’m with a woman, I feel that.”
Which celebrity recently shared this amazing insight into their personal life?

A. Marcia Cross
B. Kristin Davis
C. Condoleezza Rice
D. Penélope Cruz
E. Tom Cruise

4. Despite the fact that they have both become alarmingly thin, newly chummy pair Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie were seen in Los Angeles pigging out on all of the following foodstuffs except one. Which one?

A. Rice cakes and peanut butter
B. Frosted yellow cake
C. Grilled shrimp and vegetable salad
D. Bean and cheese burrito

5. Natalie Portman went bald this week for which one of the following reasons?

A. Adult-onset alopecia.
B. It was required for her role in the sci-fi flick V for Vendetta
C. “It’s my hair, Mom, and I can do whatever I want with it!”
D. Because she wanted the lead in Kojak so very, very much
E. That’s none of your business and she’d appreciate it if you didn’t ask such personal questions, thank you very much.

6. According to Us Weekly, Kevin Federline is doing all of the following things to pump up his résumé, except one. Which one?

A. Playing golf daily so he can lose weight in the hope of becoming a male model for Louis Vuitton.
B. Pitching a reality show to VH1 that would follow his attempts to become the next Eminem.
C. Improving his dance moves by working with choreographer and former husband of Jennifer Lopez, Chris Judd.
D. Actually getting a freakin’ job.

7. According to the National Enquirer, what did burglars steal from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s hotel room in Morocco?

A. An advance copy of Mr. and Mrs. Smith that was in the couple’s DVD player.
B. A batch of love letters written by Jolie to Pitt.
C. A vintage copy of Playgirl featuring nude pictures of Pitt.
D. A pair of Versace shades, all of Jolie’s panties, most of the towels, and a copy of Who Moved My Cheese?
E. A photograph of Jennifer Aniston featuring a Sharpied-in mustache.

8. The Globe reports that McCord Middle School in Benton Harbor, Michigan, recently forbade its marching band from playing what song at a school parade—and why?

A. The Eagles’ “Hotel California” for possibly having Satanic undertones
B. The Kingsmen’s “Louie, Louie” for obscenity and lewdness
C. Peggy Lee’s “Is That All There Is?” for being “a homosexual torch song”
D. Peter Gabriel’s “Sledgehammer” for almost definitely being about sex or violence
F. “When the Saints Go Marching In,” for making Jewish kids feel awkward

9. The National Enquirer reports there is tension between Ellen DeGeneres and her girlfriend, Portia de Rossi? Why?

A. DeGeneres allowed an ex-lover to live in the same house as her and de Rossi.
B. DeGeneres still has Anne Heche’s spaceship parked in her garage.
C. “Too much Indigo Girls, and I’m a lesbian, for God’s sake!” de Rossi was overheard complaining to a friend.
D. DeGeneres was upset that de Rossi moved all of her belongings into DeGeneres’s house before their first kiss.
E. DeGeneres can’t stand the smell of de Rossi’s vegan cooking.

10. The Star revealed that Star Wars actor Mark Hamill is currently:

A. The actor wearing the King costume in Burger King commercials.
B. Performing the role of Honey in an all-male production of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?.
C. The voice of the Skeleton King on Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!.
D. Operating a Christian ministry out of his Wyoming barn.
E. Alternately waving around a light saber and sobbing into his hands.

11. In his first post-freakout interview with Time, Dave Chappelle displayed which one of the following erratic behaviors?

A. Screamed, “I really am Rick James, bitch!”
B. Fastidiously cleaned the marks off his sneakers.
C. Showed up caked in mud, with rolled oats in his hair.
D. Defecated into a cake pan.
E. Gurgled and then spat iced tea on the interviewer

ANSWERS: 1) D; 2) D; 3) E; 4) D; 5) B; 6) D; 7) B; 8) B; 9) A; 10) C; 11) B

Photos: PMC