Bai Ling for Dollars

What’s on Eva Longoria’s shirt? How did Al Pacino get so fat? It’s Radar’s useless knowledge challenge!

by Julie Bloom & Andrew Goldman

1. Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria was spotted at L.A.’s trendy boutique Kitson wearing a T-shirt printed with a provocative message. What did it say?

A. “Johnny Knoxville tossed my salad.”
B. “I’ll have your baby, Brad.”
C. “Little Federline in the oven.”
D. “Marcia Cross ate my cat.”
E. “I’ve got a loose thetan for you right here, Tom.”

2. Which was the caption that the National Enquirer used on the photo showing a portly Al Pacino waddling off to lunch in Santa Monica?

A. Any Given Sundae
B. The Blobfather
C. Donnie Fatso
D. Glengarry Glen Fat
E. Hog Day Afternoon
F. Carbface

Revenge of the Sith cutting-room casualty Bai Ling recently assessed her attraction to various leading ladies in Page Six. Match the actress with Bai’s description.

3. “Sweet but not sexy.”
4. “I preferred [her] when she was younger. She has lost something now.”
5. “Smart and I like her style.”
6. “A great actress but I would just like to be her friend.”
7. “Cut like a doll.”
8. “Kind of weird — sometimes she is fat, sometimes she is thin.”
9. “I’d like to hook up with both of them at the same time.”

A. Meryl Streep
B. Christina Ricci
C. Heather Graham
D. Jennifer Aniston
E. Paris Hilton
F. Natalie Portman
G. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

Hollywood baby or Hollywood pet?

10. Boris
11. Willow
12. Atticus
13. Honey Child
14. Pirate
15. Daisy

16. According to various tabloid reports, Nicole Kidman has recently acquired an obsession with Middle Eastern culture. Which of the following has she not done to improve her knowledge of the region?

A. Had dinner with Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi’s son.
B. Hired a Pepperdine University professor to teach her about theology in the Middle East.
C. Bankrolled falafel night on the set of her new film, Happy Feet.
D. Talked regional politics with UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan.

17. According to the tabloids, the feud between Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton was precipitated by all but two of the following reasons. Which two?

A. Paris’s incessant partying drove Nicole away.
B. Paris was infuriated by Nicole’s pronouncements that her puppy contracted canine hepatitis from Paris’s chihuahua.
C. Paris couldn’t stand that her formerly chubby friend lost weight, got engaged, and seemed happy.
D. Paris was angry that Nicole hosted a viewing party of Paris’s homemade porn film, 1 Night in Paris.
E. The mixed-race Nicole was upset to hear that Paris had used the word nigger.
F. Paris was horrified to learn that her friend Nicole is of mixed race.

18. Which two of the following claims will not appear in Jill Ann Spaulding’s book, Behind the Scenes in Hef’s Playboy Mansion, a memoir about the five days the busty professional poker player spent at the Playboy mansion in 2002?

A. Hef’s bedroom smells curiously of dog urine.
B. Ten women cheered “Go for it!” as Hef masturbated.
C. Hef uses condoms.
D. As an aphrodisiac, Hef shows interracial gay porn on large TV screens in his bedroom.
E. As an aphrodisiac, Hef shows video of Christian Slater getting his back shaved on large TV screens in his bedroom.

19. According to the Star, security was called to the room that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt recently shared at a Kenyan resort. Why?

A. Angelina’s baby Maddox was choking on his fauxhawk.
B. A rebel group had threatened to firebomb their suite.
C. Paparazzi had stormed their room in an effort to get pictures of the couple in bed.
D. A lion had wandered into their wing of the hotel.
E. Their lovemaking was so loud staff feared an animal had been wounded or killed.

20. True or false: According to the National Enquirer, the busty, blonde Pamela Anderson look-alike with whom Tommy Lee left Club Medusa in Seattle has a vagina.

ANSWERS: 1, B; 2, B; 3, D; 4, F; 5, E; 6, A; 7, C; 8, B; 9, G; 10. Kelly Osborne’s dog; 11. Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith’s daughter; 12. Jake Gyllenhaal’s dog; 13. Nicole Richie’s dog; 14. Korn member Jonathan Davis’s son; 15. Jessica Simpson’s dog; 16, C; 17, B, F; 18, C, E; 19, E; 20. False

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