Entertainment Report: A Lifetime of Achievement?

• Though there's a good chance that bonehead Brett Ratner might ruin the X-Men movie franchise with X3, Fox execs are nonetheless optimistic about those rascally mutants' big screen futures. Plans for a movie focused on Wolverine are being developed as we speak. Hugh Jackman will produce and star. David Benioff, once a respected novelist, is working on the screenplay. [Ain't It Cool]

• George Lucas was honored with a lifetime achievement award from the American Film Institute last night. Lucas admitted he was somewhat "bewildered" to be receiving the award. We'll be the first to admit that we're equally confused. How many movies has he directed? Six. How many are even remotely decent? Maybe three or four if you're feeling kind. Meanwhile, Robert Altman, who made five classic movies in less than five years in the first half of the 1970s, sits at home holding his putz. [AP]

• We're not entirely sure why, but Paris and Kathy Hilton will be grand marshals for the Gay Pride Parade in LA this Sunday. What's the deal here? Was Mr. Slave booked or something? [MSNBC]

• If you see a few less bleary-eyed hipsters tottering around your town this weekend, don't assume that they've been rounded up and sent off to an Indonesian prison -- chances are all your local stoners are making their way (real slow, man) to Tennessee, for the annual Bonnaroo music and arts festival. This year's line-up is possibly the festival's strongest yet, balancing crappy bands with some real quality acts. [USA Today]

• Fox and Universal are close to financing and producing a movie adaptation of the obscenely popular Halo videogames. We're predicting it will flop violently, in spite of the fact that Alex Garland, Danny Boyle's screenwriter of choice, is working on the script. [MSNBC] (LH)

Daryl Hannah: Publicity Blues

Daryl Hannah is looking at a similar fate that befell her character in Kill Bill as she prepares to get her ass kicked in court by the Los Angeles public relations firm Rogers & Cowan.

The PR agency claims she's only paid $7,000 of her $64,000 publicity bill, which began tallying the dollar signs just before Miramax released Kill Bill Vol. 1 in October 2003. But Hannah's manager says she only contracted R&C for a set number of months and always paid up. Hannah and R&C agreed on a rate of $3,000 per month rate plus expenses, according to court papers. And it's because of their efforts, R&C claims, that Hannah made a big screen comeback.

Though with pictures like Love Is The Drug and Supercross in the works, this "comeback" -- much like the remaining $57,000 -- has yet to materialize. (DH)

• Hannah Sued By Top PR Firm [ContactMusic]

Adventures in Rotting Food

An experiment that would make Morgan Spurlock proud. The kids at Stay Free Magazine purchased burgers and fries and a local diner and a nearby McDonalds -- and then left the food outdoors for a week to see what would happen. The results? The photo above -- and the headline below -- say it all.

• An Inquiry into the Effects of Preservatives in McDonald's Food, or, What Does the Fungus Know That You Don't? [Stay Free]

Jesse & Jacko

While the Michael Jackson jury is stuck in the neverland of deliberation, take a moment to think about his surname buddy and his curious role in this sideshow. Why is the pudged-out, passionate voice of the Rainbow Coalition so fixated on someone who has tried to bleach himself into whiteness? It's not like there's a deficit of real issues for Jackson. The incarceration and unemployment rates of young black males should be enough to keep Jesse far away from the Santa Maria courthouse. Instead he's using whatever credibility currency he has left on someone who isn't exactly a victim of a vast social injustice.

The Wall Street Journal has reported that Jesse played to role of a "fixer," calling one of the banks that holds Jackson's loans to ask them to cut him a break. Wouldn't Jesse's clout be better leveraged to help, uh, the powerless? Jesse clearly needs his own advisor these days.

Back in 1984, when Jesse was running for president, the New York Times described his relationship with Michael and his siblings as follows: "Jesse Jackson said he had known the group since the mid-1960's. One member of the singers' entourage said the Baptist minister was regarded by the brothers as a spiritual adviser."

After twenty years of religious counsel this is what we have to show for it? Not exactly something I would want to put on my spiritual advisor resume. Message to Dave Chappelle: if Jesse calls, let it go into voice mail.

Maybe something else is at work, though. It's been reported that Steve Wynn will offer Michael a permanent gig at his new Las Vegas hotel. Maybe Jesse could be the opening act. After all, Las Vegas is the exhaust system of American culture, and in the waning days of his career, Jesse -- always primarily an entertainer -- belongs there. (Adam Hanft)

• Michael Jackson's Hidden Accuser: Racism [LA Times]


• No verdict yet on Jackson's finances [Chicago Sun-Times]


• Waiting for Jacko [Guardian]

The Words They Are a Changin'

Ask anyone who knows us and they'll tell you: we just love to invent new words. That's why we were so psyched to see that the new Collins English Dictionary contains so many words that are -- how do you say? -- made up. The term tome dropped yesterday and we were thrilled to see what had been added:

"Back, sack and crack" -- a beauty parlor waxing procedure made famous by English soccer captain David Beckham -- is officially defined as "(cosmetic depilation of) the back, scrotum and the area between the buttocks."

"Heteroflexible" is someone who is usually -- but not always -- heterosexual.

To "go commando" means "to wear no underpants."

If these three examples are any indication, the world just got a whole lot more skankulous! (MM & TG)

• Going commando? Chavtastic, says dictionary [Reuters]


• Collins English Dictionary [Collins UK]

Daily Dirt: Paris Hilton, All Wombs Booked

• Paris Hilton already has fashion's hottest accessory -- a small travel bag-ready dog -- but she might have even more in common Britney Spears these days. Leave it to her roving roster of paparazzi to catch the size zero sporting a bump in her tummy. She's said in the past she wants to name her children China and London, so now the only question may be whether she'll name the little Parisites after a Western city or an Eastern country. [Sky News]

• It was a short-lived dispute between Cameron Diaz and boyfriend Justin Timberlake and photogs Saul Lazo and Jose Gonzalez. The professional lenses alleged the Trippin' star harassed them before grabbing Lazo's camera and physically assaulting him. Diaz and Timberlake told police the snapping duo had ambushed them from behind bushes in order to stir up an angry reaction. (Another shooter on the scene who caught the dustup on film and sold his pics to Us Weekly.) Now the celeb duo have settled out of court for an undisclosed sum, though the Shrek voicer and pop star boyfriend have yet to release public statements. [FemaleFirst]

• On the other end of the camera lens, however, is the LAPD's criminal investigation into overzealous paparazzi who cross the line to get the money shot. Hollywood's police will begin rummaging through complaints from red carpet walkers, with charges ranging from trespassing to false imprisonment and conspiracy. LAPD officials say the investigation has been in the works for months, but it took Lindsay Lohan's Benz bang-up with paparazzi Galo Ramirez to get the badge rolling. [AP]

• Steven Seagal is under siege for $14 million by film company Killer Master Productions for allegedly holding up production on two new pictures. The lawsuit, filed in Los Angeles, claims the expanding action star repeatedly disrupted shooting for Today You Die and Mercenary by showing up late and leaving early without producers' permission. Both films are now in post-production, but Killer Master is looking to recoup some of its investment with its breach of contract suit. Meanwhile, Seagal's camp is firing back with claims he's still owed $830,000. [LA Times] (DH)

Brad and Angie Give Birth to Baby

After weeks of high emotions, tears, anger, jealousy, and, apparently, hot loud sex, today is finally the day. No, we're not talking about the decision to give Pauley Shore his own show. We're talking about the opening of Brad and Angie's new flick, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, about a married couple's attempts to off one another and in the process ruin Jennifer Aniston's life. Given the toll the movie took on Brad and Jennifer's relationship, we assume the picture is, like, the next Lawrence of Arabia, right? Apocalypse Now meets The Thin Man? That is, an artistic expression so valuable to humanity, it cannot -- nay, should not -- concern itself with the havoc it reeks on mere mortals. Or even Jennifer Aniston. And so? Eh, not so much.

From the decidedly less-than-gushing review in today's Times:

Stuff happens -- mostly the couple try to kill each other and, in time, swarms of heavily armed guys in black try to kill them. Vince Vaughn does a straining, unfunny riff on his "Swingers" persona, but it's not money, baby, it's tired and flat. There is no one else really worth mentioning because, in truth, this is the Brad and Angelina show and not much more. That's too bad, because both actors are capable of more.

Oh, don't we know it, baby. Much, much more. (MM & TG)

Morning Roundup

• Missing the Sept. 11 hijacking plot was a "significant failure" by the FBI, according to a new Justice Department report. While the 9/11 Commission put most of the blame on the CIA, the Justice Department says the FBI missed at least five chances to get two of the hijackers. Don't worry, bureaucrats. There's plenty of blame to go around. Your agency probably messed up, too. [Washington Post]

• NATO will send 5,000 peacekeepers to the Sudan to help defuse the troubled Darfur region. The African Union already has 2,700 peacekeepers in the area; NATO leaders emphasized that mission control would remain with the union. A European airlift mission will run concurrently with NATO. How nice that only 180,000 people have to die and 2 million flee their homes before Whitey starts to pay attention. [AP]

• The amount of millionaires is up 10 percent in America thanks to a boisterous stock market in 2004. Apparently, one in 100 Americans over the age of 15 have more than $1 million in assets. We definitely need more friends. [Bloomberg]

• Baby-faced politicians are likely to lose their elections, according to a new study. Voters seek mature looks that suggest "competence," even after only a one-second look at the candidate. In the study, the candidate perceived as more competent won the election about 70 percent of the time. This news could save millions on campaigns. [AP] (AG)

Filibuster Reading List, Part II

Two more disputed judges are about to face the wrath (or lack thereof) of Congress. Plus, there's a potential upcoming Supreme Court vacancy (other than the one in the space where Antonin Scalia's soul used to dwell). The New York Times is all giddy that the so-called compromise that has allowed the vote on three controversial judges is going to be tested in coming weeks. So, we're offering another installment of FRL, in the hope we don't hear filibustering Democratic Senators resort to lame moralistic diatribes, Bible readings, and passages from memoirs no one read. When the time comes to kill time and stall votes with babble, we recommend reading from:

• Lotsa de Casha, the new Kabbalah children's book from Madonna. It's the fifth installment in the world of children's books for Madge. We think the tone is just right for the audience in question. And the tale's subject matter -- an ironic twist from the pop mogul on the altruism that money can't buy happiness -- will hit home with heavily lobbied lawmakers. "Montana" Max Baucus, who caved and allowed a credit card company to change the bankruptcy laws, we're looking at you.

• The Downing Street Memo. Let's go ahead and quit excerpting the glaring proof that Bush lied the country into war and just read the whole damning memo. There's time, right? Longtime Bush war backer and Droopy the Dog stand-in, Sen. Joseph Lieberman, this one's all you.

• The Truth About Hillary. Yeah, the new Ed Klein book is filled with wacky right-wing speculation about Sen. Hillary Clinton's alleged lunches at the Y. And we know we've recommended reading for the Hill before, but there's something kinda hot about her reading from a scandalous book about her own alleged lesbian affairs in college. Whatdya say Senator? We don't have to be involved. We just want to watch. (MM & TG)

• The Filibuster Reading List, Part 1 [Radar Online]

This Weekend: Erotica LA

Only in La La land. This weekend marks the 9th annual Erotica LA Expo at the LA Convention Center. It's a slight deviation from the convention center's usual fare -- Erotica LA will be sharing the space this year with the 29th annual Home Remodeling and Decorating show. (Last weekend saw the Fire Department Instructors Conference and the Superintendent's Retirement Reception.) But the convention, which claims it's "the premier sexuality and adult lifestyle event in the nation" will bring out Angelinos in droves for erotic apparel, toys, videos and DVDs, original artwork (huh?) and "health products for the adult industry." For sad, lonely men, there's also an opportunity to meet the stars from LA's hottest adult clubs, who, event promoters promise, "will be on hand to "represent their talent den." But it's not all about sex: the organization has raised over $100,000 for AIDS and safe sex fundraisers as well as for "Adult Talent Programs," whatever that means.

If you can't make it to LA, you can amuse yourself by looking at the list of the 250 exhibitors that will be displaying their goods -- and possibly more -- on the convention center's floor. A long list after the jump. (JB)

The Week in Hebrew Hip Hop

Finally, the man Q magazine called "The World's Most Kosher MC" and we call a mix between Vanilla Ice, Stryper and Jackie Mason has revamped his Web site, posted new songs and, well, found Jesus. To quote Jon Stewart: "Whaaaa?" 50 Shekel, aka Aviad Cohen, is still available for Bar Mitzvahs, Bat Mitzvahs... um, we said Bar Mitzvahs, right? He's still incorporating a Jewish "spiel" into every song, but the highlight of the site is the "Yahweh Saves" section and the narrative in "The Passion" section, in which Fiddy describes how he came to love Mel Gibson Jesus. Hear the Word:

"After seeing The Passion, my mouth was wide open for about 20 minutes straight. I was shocked. "Oh my God!" Jesus was Yeshua. Jesus was The Messiah. Messiah is Moshiach, The Annointed One that we've been waiting for. This movie is not anti-Semitic. I have just fallen in love with God. I love being a Jew. Thank you Mel Gibson. You're a Catholic and you just unveiled to me our Moshiach. You just helped me totally understand that there is more to being a Jew than just driedels and latkes. So why do so many Jews hate you? They should be cheering you and your movie on! Mel Gibson has more matzoh balls than Steven Spielberg."

Cohen's sudden conversion has had fans of Jewrap buzzing this week. (Here's one theory. Here's a response.) But in other Jewish jamz newz, have you seen Matisyahu? He calls himself a Hasidic reggae superstar, and he skews on the side of hip-hop and rap. In the past year, Matisyahu has booked some serious appearances (Jimmy Kimmel Live, SXSW, Irving Plaza in NYC). On Sunday he plays the Bonaroo Festival in Tennessee. Plus, his Web site, on which Jesus is conspicuously absent, he's promising some big surprise for June 16th. Please tell us it doesn't rhyme with "Rhesus." (MM & TG)