Granted, there's no inherent need to mess with Michael Jackson's Thriller (the best-selling album of all time), but it seems Sony BMG's Epic/Legacy division, in honor of the classic record's silver anniversary, determined that the ever-popular 4-Rs approach—remaster, remix, repackage, and reissue—just might qualify the album as a gift come Valentine's Day.

Contributions by fresh names and industry darlings like Fergie, will.i.am, Akon, and Kanye West should grab the record some attention (some of the bonus content hit the Web late last year), but the kids who buy (read: download) this album solely because they dig Akon will likely jump back when first hearing the original album's nine glorious tracks. Because, really, it will never again be 1983, and the artists enlisted for this reissue were dealt a near-impossible task in bettering on the original. And it shows.

The fruits of their no doubt handsomely paid labors are, for the most part, neither creative nor exciting. Both Fergie's and Kanye's weak takes on "Beat It" and "Billie Jean," respectively, pale in comparison to the collaborations featured on the original album, which included guest artists like Paul McCartney, Eddie Van Halen, Janet Jackson, and Quincy Jones. Even Vincent Price's "rap" in the original "Thriller" sounds less ill-fitted than Fergie's vocals on the 2008 version of "Beat It."

Akon's quieter, piano-tinged take on "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" is the best of the bunch, but the real bonus prize here (all the collateral material is exceptional, actually) is a DVD that, along with three classic videos from the album, transports us back to when Jackson first moonwalked through a performance of "Billie Jean" on a 1983 NBC TV special. Black hat, white glove, sparkly clothing, and a grip of dance moves that launched an entire movement—nobody was even close to Jackson. (Well, there's pre-Purple Rain Prince, but still.)

These days there's talk about a Jackson 5 reunion tour dropping sometime in 2008—with the gloved one's participation. But for now, the 25th anniversary edition of Thriller serves as a reminder of what an untouchable musical force MJ once was, and how the record's original versions conjure up feelings from a golden age of modern pop music. Hopefully, current and future artists can inject a little bit of this type of magic into 21st century pop, but it's not looking good so far.

Now repeat after me: "I said, Na na na (na na na!)."