"their a member of an elitist-class individual" wtf? generally the point of tying yourself in ridiculous grammatical knots is to avoid saying anything offensive. in this case obviously not.

tgimacb -- i see you also speak fluent gibberish.

huzzah!
gawker died months ago, but this does put an axe through the head of zombie-gawker.

i swear that's michael palin in the non-blurred picture.

chandler burr was totally the funniest friends character.

hey, i wanted to hear about all 57 fronts!

hang on, aren't the fundies supposed to want the antichrist to gain power so that they can hasten end times and get raptured (and, more importantly, laugh at everyone else who isn't being raptured and is down on earth seething and bubbling and, well, i'm not quite sure, but some kind of ghastly fate)? so wouldn't this encourage them to vote for obama? apparently, team mccain can't even get their batshit christianity right.

jesus, it's like they hired nina garcia as a lawyer.

to round this report out, something really average needs to happen to a tiger.

lefty seems like the smart one.

if you have a picture of a two-headed squirrel, there's no excuse for with-holding (yeah, how the fuck do you spell that word?) it. i can also point you in the direction of pictures of disabled penguins in socks.

@sailor:
i suspect balk has more of this than any of us could ever imagine.

it's so classy when you spell out "mdash" the old-fashioned way.

dear carla,
remember "i after e, except after c".

sorry, that shouldn't have been a ".", it should have been a "!"

this is like foxymorons without the foxy.

nothing gets me hot like a discussion of tax liens.

what's the opposite of an aptronym?

also, "levi alves" is one of those things that looks disturbingly like a palindrome, but isn't. which would be endlessly absorbing to meditate on if you were stoned and like, ran out of bongos or something.

yes, you should buy it. you should always base your purchases on the opinions of random strangers encountered while spamming websites.

ICANN-speak is the next LOLcat.

so are her tattoos writing the book or just organizing it?

like christmas in july? or like rain on your wedding day? a free ride when you've already paid?

what gets me the most about that second case is that they cut her hands and feet off so she couldn't escape from the fire . if i were a different kind of person i would say "there are no words...". actually i do have words, but i don't think a paragraph of swearing would be that appealing to read.

it's like courteney love with spellchecker.

good to see they tested it's response to the all important "being kicked by that stoner guy you knew in college" scenario.

i'm having a little trouble running this sentence:
" I could not stop puking up the entire bottle of wine I downed the night before. I blame the friend because it was her birthday, although when I glimpse my protruding ribs on the back of L.A. Weekly weeks later, I'm secretly thankful for having nothing left in my stomach that day."
up against this one:
"You could think of Dov as a champion for positive body image. He likes his models happy and squishy, unlike the emaciated aliens of the runways."

i don't know, some of us experienced our first sexual stirrings to flashdance, which taught us that you can have everything you want, if you're a stripper who welds.

from now on, you should start all articles with "FIRST!". i hear that works.

to be fair, prince phillip is a nazi and a racist.

captions by ONTD commenters?

cue handwringing about "people who egged her on", despite the fact that those people probably knew damn well that it was a hoax and were mocking her for that.

yes, but $76 is funnier. fuck you, reality!

it's like having your ears gently caressed with recently-severed bunny feet.
(take that, sasha frere-jones!)

hanging out at the beach?
hirin a hooker - ur doin it wrong!

@number 9:
i have no idea what you just said. "the smartest woman in the world" is marilyn vos savant, right?

...also, if yoko now says "choire's a dude?!?", the universe will implode in an entirely unpleasing way.

choire: i recommend you refer to yourself as "miss sicha" from now on, as per yoko's comment above. it has a certain ring to it.

"season of the fred" but no "dawn of the fred"?

yes, the name "winehouse" and the song "rehab" (which, like many of her songs, seems to consist of a single verse repeated over and over again, with some blather in between and no attainment of full chorus status) are part of an orchestrated plot to make all jokes so easy as to be not worth the bother.

"radar_sucks" may want to learn what "prolific" means. or maybe i just want to learn what "radar_sucks" thinks "prolific" means. anyway, "plant a tree: kill a child" sounds awesome, and you should totally write that.

i'm going to file "stupefying" with my collection of highly ambiguous ostensible praises.

so sad...to see someone behaving like a website-pimping pigfucker, see the comment above.

au contraire, mrs delaney. your son has a special talent.

....a vested interest in the comedy cellar and a strange unfamiliarity with the concept of humour.

well, i've never given a robot a bad name, but when i was 8 i tried to name my cat "miss bianca". does that count?

can john mayer even burp without sounding creepy?