Oops, I forgot to mention that I keep a supply of sporks from Taco Bell in my kitchen. My teenaged son loves them. Now I'm even more convinced we'll never be friends.

Sorry, but I won't give up my comfort in order to be more aesthetically pleasing to you for the 6 seconds that I occupy your world. My feet sweat; sandals turn into slip 'n slides. Flip-flops are not an option, we have fire ants here in Georgia. I have to run in and out of my house all day, and don't want to bother with tying and untying...heck, I don't even have to bend over to put on my mules!

As for skorts...they allow a modest woman to wear a shorter skirt without fear that her hoo-haw will be on display if she falls off her mules. Also, they hide camel toe.

In other news, I think you are probably a very unpleasant person to be around. I'm thinking of sending you some genuine Georgia fire ants.

A few nights ago, I was stuck listening to a standup performance by 'blue collar' comedian Larry the Cable Guy on Comedy Central (I was hanging wallpaper and couldn't change the channel). I was absolutely stunned to hear him crack no less than three 'hairlip' jokes and make numerous references to 'water-head retards'. I was disgusted, but he got plenty of laughs every time. Guess he found a way to allow people to vent their hate without singling out a particular race. Ummm...kudos?