• Lust in Space: Just when NASA starts to get boring, Lisa Nowak, our new favorite astronaut, drives nearly 1,000 miles wearing a diaper (because, as an AP report puts it, "Astronauts wear diapers during launch and re-entry") and attempts to kidnap the mistress of her fellow shuttle crew member and subject of her found love letter, Cmdr. William Oefelein.
• Bogus bayyyy-beeee: Anna Nicole Smith and her legal drug of choice, Trimspa, are being sued for falsely advertising the claim that it "causes rapid and substantial weight loss."
• Blaming it on the booze: Straight out of the Mel Gibson school of excuses, San Francisco mayor and philanderer Gavin Newsom plans to seek alcohol counseling.
• Revenge of the nerd: An M.I.T. professor who was denied tenure has begun a hunger strike to protest that decision. He believes it's because he's black.