It's natural to want to celebrate the entire broadcast of America's Next Top Model. But one needs only tune into the last 10 minutes of every show to receive the true benefit: when Tyra Banks descends from her supermodel/talk mogul pedestal to dole out her weekly life and posing advice to her clueless giraffes. We are all the better for it.
But we can't help but have noticed a lack of forethought in her latest homilies. This week, for example, she encouraged Jaslene, a Puerto Rican contestant (who has been referred to as "Little Miss Cha Cha" more than once on the program), to embrace her culture, then Tyra used herself as a twisted example. "I sit up here and snap my fingers and say, 'Girl, you lookin' hoochie!'" Tyra preached. "Because that's my culture."
And Tyra isn't just claiming to speak for all black girls out there these days—she's channeling prepubescent teen bloggers for her online screeds, covering every obsession from fatness to whiteheads. If Tyra really is the Oprah for a new generation, we are all screwed. After the jump, more recent rants from the batty Buddha Banks.