• What a creep: One can only imagine what wickedness is going through Dick Cheney's mind in this captured moment.
• Diary of a mad blonde woman: Anna Nicole's diaries are going up for auction. Among them, these unpunctuated gems: "If Jesus desides to take him [J. Howard Marshall II] I dont no what I'll do. I love him so much it hurts me to site and watch him when hes hurting I just want to hold him touch him let him no how much I care."
• Enviro grudge match: Long-winded John Kerry and bloviator Newt Gingrich will meet to debate global warming.
• Afraid of getting Waterworlded: Kevin Costner is suing a music promotion company that reneged on a contract with his Kevin Costner Band.
• Rinse and piss: A British dentist is in trouble for urinating into his surgery sink and using his tools to clean his fingernails and ears.