• It's merman: Did Jennifer Aniston know her new boyfriend, Paul Sculfor, once made a high-quality sex tape with topless mermaids? (Also: Anulfor? Sculiston?)
• Fractured fable: Author Jay McInerney takes a moment away from house and garden to explain just how he broke his foot and missed a literary engagement, as we reported.
• The Last Temptation of Graydon: At guest editor Bono's urging, Graydon Carter stoops to putting the leader of the free world on his magazine—along with 20 other movers and shakers for the Africa issue.
• Get Off My Lawn, Apatow!: Peter Bart is practically the only person who doesn't like Knocked Up, presumably because there weren't enough racially inflammatory jokes.
• Topless gun: Having been shunned by the military for her Playboy spread, former Air Force instructor Michelle Manhart strips yet again—this time to help boost the morale of the troops and 14-year-old boys.
• Cavity creeps: TMZ says Paris was cavity searched on the way into prison. The New York Post says no. One thing's clear: it's nearly impossibly to keep track of Paris's cavity traffic.
• Jesus, Joseph, and Mary!: German nutjob jumps the Popemobile.