• Happy feet: The reason English Prime Minister and Bush lapdog Tony Blair has lasted so long in office can be attributed directly to the his lucky shoes.
• Granny attacks!: After trying to bring a dangerous weapon (a bread knife, buried in a cooler) onto her flight home from L.A., grandmother Cecilia Beaman is struck with a $500 fine and put on the terrorist watch-list.
• White-boy beef: Robin Thicke, who refers to himself as "Al Green's distant white cousin", calls Justin Timberlake the male Madonna.
• McCain's refrain: John McCain's campaign apologizes to Mormon Mitt Romney after a McCain volunteer compares Mormons' treatment of women to the Talibans'.
• Holy hilarity: These Christians spoof holy stereotypes in their own version of the Onion. Among our favorites, "Left Behind Fan Club Misses Bus."
• Love doctor: The Texas House of Representatives honors Dr. Nilon Tallant, a registered sex offender, as "Doctor of the Day" ... for the second time.