• Nightly wars: NBC poster boy Brian Williams is actually losing viewers at a faster rate than CBS pretty girl Katie Couric. All the while ABC ugly man Charles Gibson is raking watchers in.
• Mo' money: When you're bringing up the spawn of 50 Cent, $25,000 a month in child support just won't do.
• King's ransom: Now that the peacock has canceled its plan to pay Paris Hilton $1 million for her first post-clink interview, she plans to talk to Larry King.
• Just tap it in: With an eye on the environment, San Francisco's boy wonder mayor Gavin Newsom prohibits city departments from buying bottled water, watching Friends re-runs.
• Burn: According to one Catholic bishop, Rudy Giuliani's views on abortion are "pathetic," "confusing," and "hypocritical."