The reason "U.S. Americans" can't read maps is because of education in South Africa and Iraq. No, no, you don't understand. Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton explains—and simultaneously makes A.C. Slater look like Albert Einstein when he yanks the mike away from the 17-year-old pageant queen, just as she's capping off her statement with what sounds like "for the future of our children."
Reached by phone, a spokesperson for Ms. Upton said she's not currently doing interviews. Probably best.