• Thwarted revenge: Despite being what his attorney calls a "key and secret witness," Tony Barretto, the ex-bodyguard of Britney Spears, was not allowed to testify against the starlet in her custody dispute with Kevin Federline on Monday. Instead, lawyers suggested jury members turn on a TV or read any blog on any website.
• HC on HC: Hillary Clinton's new ad aired in Iowa and New Hampshire today, promising universal healthcare—or else. It would be mandatory to provide proof of health insurance at job interviews.
• Scan designs: Artist Lars Vilks has been removed from his home by Swedish police seeking to protect him after Al Qaeda issued a call for fatwa against him on Saturday. The cartoon that did Vilks in? Muhammad's head on a dog's body.
• Also shocking: Following the example set by the University of Florida, Sheboygan police tased and arrested a man on Friday on a variety of charges—including possession of cocaine but not including the possession of a live chicken in his car.