• Sir Rudolph: In London, Giuliani proclaims, "I'm probably one of the four or five best known American in the world." Though he names Bill and Hillary as potential members of his self-conceived international circle, the honorary Sir Rudolph leaves out the current president and J.T.
• O'Reilly the Emasculating: In response to the taser seen 'round the world, Bill O'Reilly affirms, "I've been tasered for a story, and all I can say is: He is the biggest wimp in the United States of America.... And I don't say that with any kind of bravado." UF student Andrew Meyer's likely response: "Don't call me a wimp, bro!"
• Star bores: Hillary calls Cheney "Darth Vader" during an NYC fundraiser, clearly displaying her longing to be considered the Princess Leia of the race.
• Edgy veggies: Alicia Silverstone strips naked for PETA in a new TV spot, successfully wedding sex and vegetables in the subconscious of the next generation.
• Free TV: NBC will make popular television programs available for free download, permitting Americans to at last do legally what they've been doing illegally for years.