IS THAT JOEY FATONE, (CENTER)? POTH
• Live from the (Gaza) Strip!: Hamas boy band Protectors of the Homeland—with its dogmatic and militaristic rump-shakers including "Change" and "Reform"—is da bomb!
• Carter casualties : Aaron Carter is the latest former pop pretty boy to win legal emancipation from jailed Lou Pearlman.
• Bros, blow, Brit's tits: Rumor has it Britney Spears partied away her custody troubles by letting a few new friends do blow off of her lady pillows.
• Tough guy illusion: Criss Angel's latest trick reeks of Jerry Springer when a magician contestant on his show almost decks the dark prince of douches.
• Hawaii five-uh-oh: Dog the Bounty Hunter is ashamed of racist remarks he made in a private conversation with his son and hopes Hawaiian wisdom and the standard meeting-with-blacks penance will get him back in good standing.
• Indie raucous: Arcade Fire front man Win Butler takes his marbles and goes home, declaring that he'll never play in Nottingham again after being hit in the face with a flying bottle.
• Creepy uncle: Jackass Bam Margera's uncle, Don Vito, collapses in court after being found guilty of inappropriate groping, screaming, "Jesus! I can't spend the rest of my fucking life in jail! Just fucking kill me now!"