• Nail biter: Al Gore's daughter Kristin is reportedly writing Nailed, a sex comedy for Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Biel. The elevator pitch: a woman is accidentally shot in the head with a nail that activates the sex fiend part of her brain, becomes involved with sleazy congressman. Please, please don't join those ugly striker-types, Kristin.
• Itchy trigger finger: Pete Doherty's caught on a cell-phone video shooting heroin just hours after claiming sobriety on an awards show.
• Paul-itical ATM: Ron Paul's Web posse accrues $4.2 million in 24 hours in commemoration of Guy Fawkes Day, which certainly accounts for the highest one-day donation to polling-percentage ratio of all time.
• Brother hoods: Rudy Giuliani says that if his achievements are as good as federally investigated former NYC police commissioner Bernard Keric's crime-reduction results, "this country will be in great shape." Moral: Get bad guys, unless they're getting other bad guys for you.
• Backroom 'Bama: Turns out it was South Carolina Obama supporters who lobbied to keep Stephen Colbert off the Dem's ballot. Barack's fear of truthiness can at last be laid to rest.
• Wand play: Daniel Radcliffe's naked production of Equuis is Broadway bound.