• Blake Fielder-Criminal: That Winehouse raid yesterday? It was about her hubby Blake Fielder-Civil allegedly trying to stop a trial for his altercation with a bartender by offering that bartender $420,000. If convicted, Blake could do life.
• Hedging hipsters: Thrasher Funds is targeting Gen X and Gen Y with the skinny jeans of investment funds (which include holdings in such cool companies as Google).
• Betty suddenly seems pretty: Lindsay Lohan is in talks to appear in three episodes of Ugly Betty as the assistant manager at the restaurant where Betty's dad works. Make ours bacon cheese skins.
• Warp factor fine: Trekkies set phasers to horny as Winona Ryder signs on to J.J. Abrams's Star Trek, playing Vulcan Spock's mother. Total VILF.
• Less blow for your buck: As the U.S. dollar hits a record low, cocaine becomes more expensive by 50 percent. Robitussin, thankfully, is still reasonable.
• Bob off: In an e-mail battle royale of the marginally significant, music industry newsletterman Bob Lefsetz makes a crack at Kid Rock's CMA appearance, then backs off in personal e-mails, offering to be Rock's "buddy." Rock eagerly yearns for Lefsetz to "bitch up."