• Prince of Darkness II: Right-leaning former Dick Armitage tool Robert Novak crawls out of his Capitol Hill manhole to plant gossip about Hillary having dirt on Barack to divide and conquer Democratic candidates. Naturally, it's working.
• Oh no they didn't?!: Italy—y'know, the country that once elected a porn-star—bans gossip that's just gossip for gossip's sake in attempts to improve Italian television.
• Group therapy: For a bunch of people striking for a cut of online video revenues, WGA types sure are creating a lot of free YouTube clips.
• Celine Dion live!: Non-lethal acoustic devices are planned for use by riot squads. Japanese noise bands scramble to get their hands on said weapons.
• Sex, The View, and Barbara Walters: Ladies of The View ask Walters: If you were were a tree, what kind of orgasms would you have?
• George and Franny sittin' in a tree: If we were a sixth grade substitute teacher, we'd confiscate the farewell note left for Bush by his outgoing homeland security adviser and read it aloud to the rest of the Administration while he and Fran Townsend both blushed.