• Rock the vote: Presidential hopeful Ron Paul's money-bombing donation bundler, Trevor Lyman, is trying to raise $2.5 million in a week. A music promoter, Lyman's also involved with the Ron Paul zeppelin.
• Friends on the inside: Jailed rapper Foxy Brown has been released from solitary confinement for, you surely guessed it, good behavior.
• Cross-eyed myopia: GOP candidate Rudy Giuliani claims he "never had any doubt" that if he were the commander four years ago, he would have invaded Iraq, and that he's "even more certain" now that it was the right foreign policy move. Fists flying, he then tosses a few obligatory jabs at illegal immigrants and Mitt Romney.
• Teddy's tale: Ted Kennedy agrees to sell his memoirs for an advance of $8 million to Twelve, an imprint of Grand Central Publishing. Bidding for the Chappaquiddick excerpt shall commence immediately.
• Pulp fiction: The distorted portrayal of British intelligence by James Bond films hampers MI6's recruitment of minorities, Muslims, and women, and instead draws "a lot of thrill seekers and fantasists." And apparently there's no license to kill and far fewer fetching sluts than reported.
• Excess baggage over the side: Following his announcement of nearly two weeks ago, former House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL) formally jumps ship, submitting his letter of resignation and joining goat/immigrant electrocutor Trent Lott in the civilian ranks.