Fuckin' cops, man. Far too jealous to let a group of sotted, enterprising robbers pickle themselves in nearly $250K-worth of stolen holiday booze, the Grinchy Irish national police force has detained two suspects following the country's most epic beer run. The crime took place at that Mecca of Irish oil, the Guinness Brewery in Dublin, when a man drove into the factory, hitched up to a truck packed with 450 kegs of Guinness, Budweiser, and Carlsberg, smashed through a security gate, and swerved happily away into traffic. Police, strangely, aren't saying how much beer they've recovered with the arrests but are allegedly trying to pin the heist on a Jonathan Rhys Meyers/Christopher Hitchens co-conspiracy while officers hone forgotten keg-stand techniques. [SF Gate]