• To the great ER in the sky: Beefy Matthew McConaughey delivered a eulogy for Evel Knievel to mourners in Montana, musing, "He's forever in flight now and he doesn't have to come back down. He doesn't have to land!" The sentiment was particularly touching, considering McConaughey's desire to remain forever high himself.
• Have a Nice Life & Style: L&S No. 2 Mark Coleman decamps for that same UK from whence he came, this time to work for the Daily Mail. Former Star writer and co-author of Going Corporate: Moving Up Without Screwing Up Jared Shapiro has been named executive editor. He's well-liked and "has a great character in a biz that seems to lack it," an L&S source says.
• OMG! U NO OBAMA?: Deputy Clinton campaign manager Bob Nash sent an incoherent e-mail looking for fresh dirt on Barack Obama. Whether he was unable to nimbly navigate the tiny buttons of his BlackBerry or is merely drunk is now up for voters to decide.
• PETA outs twin sins: PETA slings schoolyard taunts at "Trollsen Twins" Hairy-Kate and Trashley, creating mean-spirited (though hilarious) interactive paper dolls that challenge haters to "see how ugly you can make your twin."
• Alex Trebek avoids Final Jeopardy: The stalwart 67-year-old game-show host is recovering from a minor heart attack at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and should be up and making you feel stupid again in a couple of days.
• When roofies aren't enough: A new $1,995 dating service matches subscribers based on DNA samples, promising to deliver a mate with "a natural odor you'll love." Researchers are reported to have cross-referenced Radar's "Axe Effect" findings.