• Healing process: Elizabeth Hasselbeck's vagina is still healing after childbirth. The View-tard tells the ladies "my personal fantasy right now is to close-up downstairs like I was before my second child popped out."
• Life imitating art: Christopher Mintz-Plasse, better known as Superbad's McLovin, hits the scene, engages in some underage drinking in the Big Apple.
• Free to blog: Ex America's Next Top Model candidate Elyse Sewell beats the abuse rap filed by her allegedly grabby indie-rock paramour, Shin keyboardist Marty Crandall. No word yet on the ivory-tickling, possible GF-thrashing moppet's own abuse case.
• By the numbers: New Hampshire voters come out in large numbers to vote in the state's primaries. Obama and McCain lead.
• Rough ropes: Not so brightest Hills starlet Audrina Partridge has some trouble getting into hot L.A. club/Hills location Hyde.
• Anything for his country: Blowhard-y patriot Bill O'Reilly defends his shoving of an Barack Obama staffer, saying "I had no choice, ladies and gentlemen, but to uphold the Constitution ... and defend the freedom of the press."
• New Knut: Germany has a new celebrity orphan polar bear after a four-week-old cub is separated from his disturbed mom at a Nuremberg zoo. Earlier this week, at the same zoo, another psycho mommy polar bear ate two of her cubs.