• Death becomes her: As supplemental punishment to her laborious 84-minute jail sentence following a double DUI bust, Italian Stallion-hunter Lindsay Lohan scores a two-day gig at a morgue.
• Sugar daddy: Turns out one of the GOP's own, former Michigan Congressman Mark Siljander, was funding an Al Qaeda and Taliban supporter—doling out in excess of $130,000. As a good Republican, he looks forward to the tax write-off.
• Hurl and whirl: According to some reports, Victoria Beckham vomited on stage during a Spice Girls performance in London. It is said the star narrowly avoided slipping on a regurgitated mess of two peas, a quarter-cup of Pedialyte, and one intact Now-and-Later.
• Google alert!: You know how you meet someone rad and then you proceed to Google and MySpace them to see if they might be a sicko? Kylie Minogue does that, too.
• Same old song and dance: In news of the vocoded, hot-mess variety, Paula Abdul premiered her latest single, "Dance Like There's No Tomorrow," on Idol chum Ryan Seacrest's radio show.
• Superpowered: A new study has proven your prudish loved one to be as wrong as you initially thought: Beer is good for you. Enjoy the long weekend!