• Rehab ready: Her daddy thinks she's fine, but cracked-out crooner Amy Winehouse is putting down the pipe and heading to rehab.
• Name that Goon: Hip-hop mogul Sean "Diddy" Combs has adopted a(nother) new name, and now demands that citizens of the world call him "Sean John," after his clothing line. "Bad Boy" wasn't working out.
• Calorie counting: In a move to help fast-food fans "make more informed, healthier choices," the New York City Health Board is requiring some Gotham chain restaurants to post nutritional info by the end of March. In unrelated news, street meat and hot dog vendors released unusually high second-quarter earnings expectations today.
• Man-on-man defense: Skyhook shooter Kareem Abdul Jabbar jumped to Barack Obama's defense after former teammate/Hillary Clinton supporter Magic Johnson implied that Obama is an inexperienced rookie. Magic left out the fact that the Lakers won the NBA Finals his rookie year.
• The house of Tartar: The world's largest fish stick was dished up outside London's House of Parliament today; the phallic evidence is here.
• American Prankster?: Claiming they were defamed and grossly misrepresented in the film American Gangster, a group of DEA agents is suing Universal Pictures. They also plan to sue society because they didn't get the "not everything you see on screen is real" memo.