• Rip it good: Actor Sylvester Stallone denies taking steroids to beef up for the latest Rambo flick, saying he took prescription testosterone instead. Same thing, right? Wrong! Sly explains, "HGH [human growth hormone] is nothing. ... It increases the quality of your life. In 10 years, it will be over the counter."
• Mitts-fit: Presidential candidate Mitt Romney wins the illustrious title of "most disliked" among his fellow GOP contenders on the campaign trail playground. "Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it," sayeth a playful John McCain.
• Wild west: U.S. Border Patrol agents going retro, using horses to patrol the Mexico border. We prefer space cowboys.
• Pearls of wisdom: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and her fellow high-powered women of a certain age are boosting pearl sales by flaunting them on C-Span. Which we assume means that pearl necklace purchases are up from last year's high of zero.
• Selling out: New York's self-proclaimed "drug dealer to the stars" and former "coke dealer to Lindsay Lohan" says he is ready to sell his story (or some fabrication of it) if, you know, the price is right.
• Hitting the high notes: U2 frontman, humanitarian, and walking sunglasses commercial Bono meets with U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates to discuss Africa and the fight against global poverty.