• Bad news y'all: Dennis Kucinich is dropping out of the White House hunt. In an interview earlier today with the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Li'l D announced that he's "transitioning out of the Democratic presidential primary race" tomorrow to focus on a "new direction." He then reportedly walked out of the Plain Dealer offices singing this sad song.
• High Infidelity: Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick denies bonking staffer Christine Beatty, despite text messages revealing that bonking has in fact gone down.
• Sight gag: A California man sues the Blue Man Group for battery and negligent infliction of emotional distress to the tune of $50,000 after actors forced an esophagus cam into his mouth at a Chicago performance.
• LiLo: I Hardly Knew Me: In a revelatory move that will finally shed light on our most demure and underexposed of young actors, Lindsay Lohan may be preparing to publish a memoir of her 21 years, according to OK! magazine.
• Doppelgangers gone bad: Alpha-editrix Bonnie Fuller is probably not the jowly lady featured in this ad for noninvasive face-lifts, but isn't it bad enough that she bears such a striking resemblance to someone who is?
• RIP CCM: CCM (Christ, Community, Music) magazine announces their plans to go paperless and switch to a Web-only format—just like Jesus would do.