Sunshine State Still Not Sure About This Whole "Evolution" Thing

In an attempt to ensure that it continues to lead the nation in "number of students who believe that The Flintstones was a documentary," the state of Florida today took a bold stand against the dangerous and unsupportable suggestion that Adam and Eve might not have fought off dinosaurs while foraging for sustenance. "In a series of public hearings, several conservative religious leaders and parents objected to evolution being 'the' accepted standard. The compromise language approved today cites 'the scientific theory of evolution,' making it officially a theory rather than a settled fact." Other standards approved by the State Board of Education: Jesus Christ spoke English, homosexuals come from outer space, and the work of the band Lynyrd Skynyrd is the 20th century's greatest cultural contribution to the advancement of mankind. [USA Today]