The scandal Gods have little love for the glossies this week—they were too busy serving up their-Eliot Spitzer Daylight Savings Surprise to those who like their high-profile hijinks with a heaping helping of news. The result is a mixed bag. Us Weekly has the lesser Simpson sister discussing her makeover; Matthew McConaughey shares failed birth control horror, er, "Baby Joy" with In Touch. And with its first "Stars Without Make-up" cover of '08, Star proves yet again that celebrities often look better in professionally shot photo spreads where they've spent heavily on hair and make-up than they do when chatting on cell phones while looking for their cars in gym parking lots.
The result is that dirty dancer Patrick Swayze's pancreatic cancer gets a good deal of ink. There's really not a whole lot to snark about here, as Us and OK! point out in nearly identical info boxes, pancreatic cancer is not the disease of choice for those who want to live long lives (if given the choice, go with Grey's Anatomy star Eric Dane's courageous battle with a cancerous cold sore), but there is something inherently interesting about the ways in which the weekly warriors chose to deal with something seriously sad that has nothing to do with Jen Aniston's supposed pain over Brangelina's baby bump.