• Getting a leg up: A judge will rule today on just how much Beatles cash Heather Mills gets from Sir Paul McCartney in their nasty divorce. While the exact number may not be made public, it's speculated that Mills will pocket £25 million. With the shitty state of the dollar, that's more than $50 million or over 9,000 hours with a seven-diamond-ranked prostitute.
• How low: In more great news about the economy, JPMorgan Chase & Co. is bailing out Bear Stearns, buying the troubled Wall Street firm for just $2 a share. One week ago Bear Stearns was trading at $70 a share.
• Rolling stoner: Rolling Stone and Louis Vuitton shiller Keith Richards says he still "smokes weed all the damn time" and digs that Amy Winehouse chick, though "that girl isn't going to be around long unless she sorts herself out pretty quick."
WAIT, THERE'S MORE: Halle Berry pops, Britney's naughty nurses, and New Jersey gubernatorial threesomes!