Hillary Clinton, speaking at a Pennsylvania press gathering, completely deadpan:
"I want to take a moment to say that this has been a very hard-fought race. Each of us is drawing enormous support. We clearly need to do something so our party and people can make the right decision. So I have a proposal today: I am challenging Senator Obama to a bowl-off. A bowling night. Right here in Pennsylvania. Winner take all. I'll even spot him two frames. It's time for his campaign to get out of the gutter and allow all of the pins to be counted. I am prepared to play this game all the way until the 10th frame. When this game is over the American people will know when that phone rings at 3 a.m., they will have a president who is ready to bowl on Day One. So let's strike a deal and go bowling for delegates. We don't have a moment to spare because its already April Fool's Day—so Happy April Fool's Day."
The only way to follow such an utter act of lameness is with a joke about gutter politics. All yours, Olbermann writers!