Former high-ranking Scientologist Jason Beghe—no Tom Cruise but an actor you might recognize from Numb3rs, CSI: NY, or, God help you, Everwood—is the first in what Xenu TV promises will be a series of celebs railing on Scientology. Says Beghe: "If Scientology is real, then something's fucked up, because it ain't delivering what it's promising, that's for goddamn sure. Let me meet a motherfucking clear. I'm clear. I'm declared clear as a motherfucking bell!"
But the real money's at 2:30, where he does his unofficial Cruise impersonation.