• Sugar Hills gang: Heidi Montag, moved, apparently by the presence of Nelly on TRL, raps.
• Noooo, boyeeee: Refusing the pull of obscurity, still loveless Flavor Flav is now working on dumbing down America with the help of a network other than VH1, with the debut of his new shitcom Under One Roof. Flav will play a "lovable ex-con" who wreaks "hilarious" havoc in the lives of the uptight family that takes him in.
• Intern be gone: When John McCain's camp blamed a lowly intern for plagiarizing the Food Network and Rachael Ray they also said the intern was "dealt with swiftly," which we can only take to mean that the intern was killed.
• Birthday boy: More than 13,000 people showed up to the South Lawn of the White House on Wednesday to sing "Happy Birthday"—twice—to Pope Benedict XVI. An altar boy did not deliver spankings.
• Electric shoosh: Eighties popstar Debbie "Deborah" Gibson filed a restraining order requesting a Spanish man who follows her back to her hotels following concerts and has even slipped notes under her door. He's to stay 100 yards away from her at her home and at least 10 yards away from at her concerts. Also, Debbie Gibson is still performing concerts.