You know what's classy? When you trash your first two marriages at your third! So 9/11 conspiracy theorist, frequent porn star dater and lead player in the forthcoming animated Foodfight! (he plays Dex Dogtective!) Charlie Sheen tells OK! magazine: "The first one was a show, the second one was a con, and this one is the real deal." Although it's hard to be surprised at this outburst of crazy. In the fine tradition of his fellow artistic heavyweights such as Norman Mailer and William S. Burroughs, Sheen did actually attack his first fiance, Kelly Preston—"accidentally" shooting her in 1990. Let the buyer beware! His first marriage lasted a year; his second lasted just under four years, and surely his two children from his "con" marriage with Denise Richards won't need therapy. Given his 5000+ sex partners, the average lifespan of Sheen's relationships—marriages and engagements included—can only be measured in hours, not even in days. But what's most disturbing is his inability to style himself for his own latest wedding: