• Duck and cover: According to a former senior government environmental official, Vice President Dick Cheney's office removed information about health problems associated with global warming from a health official's Senate testimony. Senator Barbara Boxer, who is the chairwoman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, says "History will judge this Bush administration harshly for recklessly covering up a real threat to the people they are supposed to protect."
• Hard evidence: Porn co. Vivid Video says Jimi Hendrix's estate has lost the $100,000 challenge and failed to prove that the rocker's sex tape was a fake. Cynthia Arbritton (née Cynthia Plaster Caster) says, "Judging from having casted Jimi, I'm convinced that he is indeed the man seen in this film." What more proof is needed than the drug-addled memory of a groupie famous for casting rock stars' cocks?
• Bid Laden's bidding: Yet another stunt-dork has scaled the New York Times building on the west side of Manhattan. This one, David Malone, however, is an Al Qaeda activist, and was trying to attach a picture of Osama Bin Laden to the building's surface.
SURE, THERE'S MORE: Septuagenarian sex, bunny murder, and Dark Knight at dawn!