Did you manage to catch the MTV Video Music Awards last night? If not, you didn't miss much: no "sensational" Madonna lesbian kiss, no Kanye West temper tantrum, no laughably amateurish "comeback" performance by Britney Spears. (Spears, the big winner on the night, gave three perfunctory acceptance speeches in which she thanked God and her fans and her kids and was decidedly not the embarrassing spectacle she was last year.) No one quite knew what to make of host Russell Brand's manic comedic style (he's British, maybe it didn't translate!), least of all the poor Jonas Brothers, who looked baffled as the confessed sex addict Brand repeatedly mocked their purity vows and chastity rings.
The show was so utterly boring that it seems MTV's PR team is working overtime to convince everyone it wasn't. "Relive the Racist Host Moments!" reads a headline on the network's homepage right now. Indeed! Watch Brand refer to President George Bush as a "retarded cowboy fella" while the audience sort of laughs! Watch Brand endorse Barack Obama while some people applaud but others like Spears sit there awkwardly! Watch Lil Wayne almost have a "wardrobe malfunction" as his pants kind of fall down while he performs! Do it now or you won't have anything to talk about at the water cooler this morning!