Tonight at 7:40 p.m., according to secret CNN documents obtained by Cryptome, Spider-Man star Tobey Maguire is going to give a 9/11 speech, right after New York governor David Paterson and before "two 9-11 family testimonials." We do not know why or how Spider-Man is going to save our city from the menace of the anniversary of 9/11 but we are still excited. Also apparently John McCain and Barack Obama are going to be there. Maybe one of them will pick Tobey to be their vice presidential candidate!