< FIRST PAGE
4 OF 14 CONTINUE >

Bad Education

(continued)

USC_76547956.jpg
(Photo: Getty Images)
most_superficial.jpg
For the affluent, genetically blessed SoCal beach-dweller, there is only one place to matriculate. A three-ring circus of Beamers, buffed blondes, and occasionally natural tanning, USC is a silicone bubble of high-gloss narcissism and Hollywood entitlement.

One former enrollee estimates that shallow and superficial students make up 90 percent of the school's population. "I knew someone who got an Aston Martin for her birthday and was disappointed," she explains. "When it's hot outside everyone goes to Bikini Hill and lies out," reports another student. "Not a good place to be ugly."

As far as nightlife is concerned: "If people want to go out in Hollywood, guys have to drop like a thousand dollars or more on a table because it's hard for boys to get in," advises one typically perky USC tartlet."Oh, and girls have to push up their tits." And she means it.

In 2006, a popular member of Kappa Kappa Gamma sent out a now-infamous e-mail castigating the overweight "cows" at rival sorority Delta Gamma and exhorting her own sisters to watch their weight over Thanksgiving break. "Don't eat donuts; just don't do it," she earnestly implored, adding that extra slices of pie could have devastating effects on her sisters' "pretty faces and taut stomachs." It all makes perfect sense when you consider this is the same school that spawned the world's most toxic bachelor, Joe Francis.

But don't hate, because you'll only get the hand. "I hear people say that USC is the University of Spoiled Children," writes one proud Trojan. "All I can assume is that they are jealous."

Notable Alumni: O.J. Simpson, Will Ferrell, Ron Howard, Tom Selleck, Judd Apatow.

most_superficial_runnerup.jpg
Tucked away in Miami's posh Coral Gables neighborhood, the University of Miami is built primarily on artifice and, presumably, swampland. Intellectuals are generally regarded as lepers, according to one student reviewer, but if you love "cell phones, Prada, Us Weekly, and have a mindless herd mentality, then by all means this is the place for you!"
 


BAD EDUCATION
Our annual semiscientific guide to the worst colleges in America



HIGHER LEARNING
America's 10 best college parties



CURRICULUM OF DUNCES
America's dumbest college courses



THE DISHONOR ROLL
100 Signs your college isn't prestigious



SMELLS LIKE TEAM SPIRIT
America's saddest college mascots



NAME SHAMES
America's most unfortunately named colleges

<< First Page

Up next: Ugliest campus >>