Future Shock

100 things we're not putting in the time capsule

By Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, Ted Travelstead
Mr_B_David_Blaine.jpg
NO. 59 Despite his persistence, David Blain (Photo: Mr. Bingo)
This article is from the July/August issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here.

1. Trump: The Game

2. Trump: the human

3. The handcuff keys

4. Detailed plan for the first 100 days of the Kucinich administration

5. The world's very first Facebook poke

6. A formal, handwritten apology for the long-running success of Blue Man Group

7. Genuine Charlton Heston kidney stone

8. All the shit we don't want from the 1908 time capsule

9. Bottle of Viagra labeled "Baby Aspirin"

10. Mike Huckabee's double-necked bass guitar

11. Archive of every Jerry Seinfeld promotional appearance for Bee Movie

12. Overdue library book

13. Instructions for resurrecting Ann Coulter

14. Spanx shapewear worn by Oprah confidante Gayle King

15. One supersize can of Whoop Ass from Spencer Gifts

16. Map showing the precise location of the capsule

17. A recording of Hugo Chavez calling future Americans "the devil's great-great-great-great grandspawn"

18. A Kiss Army condom

19. The new bite-size Cinnasnacks from Sonic

20. Hardcover copy of Simply the Gest, the David Gest autobiography

21. Video montage of President Bush high-fiving world leaders

22. Kanye West's preemptively written Nobel Prize acceptance speech

23. Meg Ryan's original lips

24. 25 years of Dave Barry columns, with the best jokes highlighted

25. Pint of Dippin' Dots: Ice Cream of the Future
































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07/10/08

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