(continued)

51. The instruction booklet for changing the printer cartridge, “personalized” with your coworker’s name inserted into every sentence

52. A copy of the “i really miss u & need you back!!!” mixtape you made for your college ex

53. One developmentally delayed foster child

54. A box of matzo for “the Jew”

55. A “sex machine” vanity license plate for your coworker’s wheelchair

56. The sixth draft of your first screenplay

57. A one-way bus ticket to Milwaukee

58. The actual sunglasses Kurt Russell wore in Captain Ron

59. Two copies of enRoute, Air Canada’s in-flight magazine

60. A bolo tie fashioned from an old computer mouse

61. A “gently used” savedarfur.org koosh ball

62. A pair of slippers you found along the highway

63. Blueprints of your office building with key “security and infrastructure vulnerabilities” highlighted

64. An “Every day is Earth Day” reusable grocery bag

65. A cracked DVD of Miracle on 34th Street, with a note to “return to library after finishing, thanks.”

66. A bib with your dog’s face on it

67. An e-greeting from Michael Moore

68. An escape route placard from the Red Roof Inn

69. A shot glass filled with Motrin

70. For your Muslim coworker, a crucifix inscribed, “He died for your sins most of all.”

71. Interoffice E-Mails: The Best of 2007, printed and staple-bound

72. A list of death-row inmates desperately in need of pen pals

73. Two pounds of Chex Mix (your own special recipe, made with just a “touch” of mayo)

74. An IOU good for one shout-out in the corporate newsletter

75. A spoken letter to your future self, recorded on a cassette tape when you were 11

76. A blurry Polaroid photograph of a defiled toilet, with a note that says, “I know it was you.”

77. A lock of your baby’s hair

78. “A hint: your breath all stanky” note

79. A rape whistle

80. Your 200-page novel about the dissolution of a marriage that “could really use some line edits”

81. A lifetime subscription to the Watchtower

82. An envelope full of overdue parking tickets you’ve been stealing off the recipient’s windshield since last Christmas

83. An invitation to touch your biceps (once)

84. A new VCR!

85. A homemade rickshaw

86. A $50 gift certificate to Planned Parenthood

87. A five-pack of Tequiza

88. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Amazing Sex, with key positions circled and annotated

89. The Women of Meat Rendering & Processing pinup calendar

90. One Triscuit

91. A sack of game you bagged with your pellet gun

92. A pastel drawing of your coworker innocently sleeping in her own bed

93. A handful of forks you grabbed from the Quiznos across the street

94. The complete, unabridged Moby Dick, printed on your company’s LaserJet

95. A trial-size bottle of coconut-scented “love” oil

96. Photos of a male coworker passed out with “cock tits Steve” written on his face in lipstick

97. A 10-minute conference call with Andy Dick and Crispin Glover

98. A videotape of every shower you’ve taken since last December

99. The contents of your desk, in a cardboard box, with a bow on it

100. A note that reads, “Um, you’re not fired. That’s your fucking Christmas present.”