Radar's handwriting analyst deciphers the signatures of 2008's presidential front-runners

BARACK OBAMA
He wants to be perceived as a man of overpowering intellect and spirituality. His handle, however, reveals a man preoccupied with sex and fame.
Warning Signs: Grossly swollen capital letters indicate an Oprah-like need for attention. The phallic B deserves an NC-17 rating, while the slashed O in his surname may suggest fury at his absentee dad.
BOTTOM LINE: As inspirational beacons of hope go, an interesting—if neurotic—lay.

HILLARY CLINTON
Her tall, legible script reveals a straight talker who's effective in a crisis—though sometimes a tad frosty. Note the steroidal bulk and soaring vertical strokes of Hillary. She sees herself as a brave pioneer. But the word Clinton is dwarfed in her signature.
Warning Signs: Rodham collapses into a vague scribble, suggesting she lies through omission.
BOTTOM LINE: Impressively presidential. She'll own the coveted graphologist bloc.

MITT ROMNEY
More restrained than Edwards, less vain than Obama—too bad about that Guiliani-esque M.
Warning Signs: Like Rudy, he'll ape sincerity to get ahead. While the stabbing y tail is a harsh warning to his rivals, the "roof" over his first name signals defensiveness; this Mormon feels vulnerable to mockery.
BOTTOM LINE: Rather promising...for a freaky, big-lovin' Latter-Day Saint.

RUDY GIULIANI
A bright man, he's also an immature schemer. His signature reveals him to be as egotistical as Obama, but lacking the latter's redeeming intellectual depth.
Warning Signs: A variable slant and the double-looped a point to an inconsistent candidate inclined to lie openly. An overgrown "middle zone" reflects adolescent self-centeredness.
BOTTOM LINE: Rudy = George W. Bush + Basic Literacy - Cowboy Boots.

JOHN McCAIN
This is one frightening signature. The lurching script suggests instability and a distorted worldview. But, in fairness, his writing arm was injured in Vietnam.
Warning Signs: Pointed, tortured loops are typical of criminals like Lee Harvey Oswald. An erratic rhythm and wonky size jumps say loud and clear: Keep some Thorazine at the ready.
BOTTOM LINE: Either his mind or his arm is shot. Could be both.

JOHN EDWARDS
So much for Edwards, the folksy, empathetic Southern gentleman: His whiplash of a handle reveals a loose cannon fixated on his own failings.
Warning Signs: Heavy-handed pressure hints at a frustrated man, in this case disappointed by his life (squashed lowercase letters). The extreme right slant is born of a reckless, girlish impulsiveness.
BOTTOM LINE: Not a person you'd want near nukes.

This is an excerpt from the November issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here.
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