1. Your parents' garage, whipping up your first batch of meth
2. Hour two of Babel
3. Six exits after picking up that drifter with the colorful past
4. On the beach in East Hampton, playing "Baby, I Love Your Way" on the steel drums at your best friend's wedding
5. In the middle of an instructional demo at the Scooter Store
6. The bar at Cheesecake Factory, holding your table pager
7. Eight cars back at the Hardee's drive-through
8. Naked, during a secret midnight romp on your neighbor's trampoline
9. On some asshole's new sailboat
10. Locked in your panic room, hiding
from a door-to-door magazine salesman
11. The personal grooming aisle at the Dollar Store
12. Bathroom of a Greyhound, en route to Dollywood
13. Moments after completing the last sentence of your hilarious "prank" suicide note
14. Onstage, in the middle of your karaoke version
of "Walking on Sunshine"
15. Super Bowl stadium, performing a precarious handstand for the JumboTron
16. The VIP box at an outlaw truck-and-tractor pull
17. Your company's corporate bonding retreat,
doing the firewalk
18. Back of the Hallmark Store, clutching a Precious Moments figurine
19. Sniffing poppers, having just blown all your Linden dollars on a Second Life hooker binge
20. The dressing room at Men's Wearhouse, the first and only time you've ever tried on a sweater vest
21. The local dental school, getting that half-off
root canal
22. In your Rav4, blasting "Il Divo", unable to hear the oncoming train
23. In a dunk 'em booth, dressed as a clown, taunting passersby
24. The captain's table on The Nation magazine's Annual Seminar Cruise, trying to impress Janeane Garofalo
25. A tattoo parlor, with a half-completed Thug Life inked across your lower stomach |
 |
Share This Article