Katie Holmes' Magical 'Best Friend'

The starry-eyed chaperone who’s been accompanying Katie Holmes to Batman Begins press junkets is not only an agent of Scientology—she’s a powerful one. According to an article from the sect’s in-house magazine, Source, Holmes’ new Church-assigned handler, Jessica Rodriguez, ascended to the level of “New Operating Thetan IV” (Tom Cruise is rumored to be New OT VII) in January 2004. What the Beck does that mean?

According to sources close to the Church, it means she’s joined the elite group of Scientologists who’ve been enlightened with the six-figure secrets of Xenu, the evil intergalactic ruler who implanted “thetans,” or alien spirits, in earth’s volcanoes 75 million years ago, after which they escaped and invaded human bodies. As a “New OT IV,” Rodriguez has the power to, “control life, thought, matter, energy, space, and time,” according to Scientology's official web site. Having completed the Church’s “False Purpose Rundown,” Katie’s spiritual escort also has the ability to spot any “suppressive persons” (read: enemies of Scientology, like skeptical journalists and concerned friends and family members) who interact with her celebrity charge. And you thought Pat Kingsley was tough!

Photo: PMC