As Derek Wayne from Star Talent, East Coast, I e-mailed a representative for Milwaukee to gauge interest in having Willie endorse their power sander. The name of the representative, an extremely genial person, has been changed to protect his privacy. Spelling and grammatical errors remain intact.

Mr. Smith:

My name is Derek Wayne, and I am the business manager for the actor Willie Aames, best known for his portrayal of Scott Baio's lovable best friend Buddy Lembeck on the long-running 1980's sitcom "Charles in Charge."

As you may know, Willie is now the star, writer, director, and producer (I'm surprised he needs a manager!) of the wildly popular Christian video series "Bible Man."

Like many young 80's stars, Buddy had significant drug problems from which he is now fully recovered. In other words, he is a survivor. And what most helped him recover from his addiction to cocaine, crack, heroin, uppers, downers, marijuana, and prescription drugs were two things:

Finding Christ, and power-sanding.

On June 2, 1983, a neighbor asked Willie for help in sanding the corner of an armchair. Coming off a night of heavy substance abuse, Willie was at first apathetic, but soon found himself lulled into a tranquil natural "high" from the rhythms of sanding, and discovered a sense of satisfaction no drug could provide.

I should point out that Willie has since experimented with other forms of carpentry, but nothing has given him the same "rush" as power-sanding. Therefore, he is interested in endorsing only products in the power-sanding family.

Milwaukee's is Willie's preferred power-sander (he owns over 16!), and he very much would like to endorse it. Thanks to "Bible Man," Willie is a well-known and deeply trusted public figure in the heartland, which coincides with the power-sander's natural demographics. As he is personally invested in the success of the product, he is willing to work below his usual fee. Please respond at your convenience if you are interested in having this talented and well-known actor endorse your power-sander. Also note that he cannot secure a co-endorsement from Scott Baio, as the two have not talked since a falling out in 1991 when discussing plans for a third sequel in the "Zapped!" film series.

Sincerely,

Derek Wayne

Derek,

What a terrific story. As a representative of Milwaukee, I'm thrilled at his appreciation and dedication to the brand. I'd love to know his favorite models and preferred applications.

As of right now, I don't see a fit, as we don't currently use spokespeople, and not sure how we would resonate with our core tradesman market. I do however think what he is doing with his life is great.

Best,
Tom

Tom, thank you for getting back to me so promptly.

Willie tells me his favorite is the 5 in. random orbit palm sander, with your 4 in. x 24 in. belt sander a close second. When you asked what his preferred applications are, you really should have asked what aren't his preferred applications! Because he has so many preferred applications. He completely sanded his own cabin up in Northern California, and he's sanded every piece of wooden furniture in his two homes. Sometimes he attaches his sander to a long extension cord and goes into the woods behind his cabin and sands down diseased or unattractive trees; he feels it's his way of communing with the Lord. He's a very charitable person, of course, and thinks nothing of devoting a weekend to sanding an orphanage or a homeless shelter--however he can give back to God, through sanding.

Right now Willie is organizing construction of his own church out here in L.A. He isn't doing the actual construction himself, but he is personally sanding all the pews, crosses, and anything else wooden.

I neglected to mention before that Willie leads a power-sanding-aficionado group in L.A., and its ranks now swell into the low-triple figures. Many members, like Willie, are recovering drug and alcohol abusers. As Willie says at the start of every meeting, "I used to reach for the bottle or the needle to take the edge off; now I reach for my sander." There is also a spiritual component to their group, called "Power-Sanders For the Power of Christ." As Christ was a carpenter, they understandably believe that if He were born today, He would be a Power-Sander. Therefore, power-sanding is their way of proselytizing the Word of the Lord.

While I understand Milwaukee's core market is likely in the Midwest, Willie's stature as a celebrity, religious leader, and power-sanding authority could carry a great deal of weight on the West Coast. Are you certain we can't entice you into some sort of marketing arrangement, perhaps exclusive to Los Angeles? As I said before, he is not only willing to work for a lower fee than usual because power-sanding is the bedrock of his faith, but he plans to donate 100% of his earnings to his church and PSFPC. (I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you're already getting plenty of free advertising from Willie's word-of-mouth--he tells everyone he meets about his personal relationship with your power sanders!)

I look forward to hearing from you, and thanks again for the quick response.

Best,
Derek

Derek,

Unfortunately, this is still outside of our marketing strategies. Most endorsements, if any, our made within the industry, more specifically, trade personalities. I think what Willie is doing is great. I would like to provide some free goods for him. Please provide a mailing address. I'm hoping their are some grassroots efforts that I could support him with.

Thanks,

Tom

Tom, thank you very much for your kind offer, but Willie is adamant about never exploiting his celebrity for free goods and services. A lot of Hollywood types skate by on their fame and never pay for anything, but Willie believes all God's creatures deserve equal treatment, even if it means free power-sanders (believe me, it's as hard for him to turn that down as, say, cocaine was in the early eighties!).

You mentioned the industry only deals with trade personalities. I can't believe I forgot to mention this before, but Willie is currently in talks with several major networks to launch a midseason sitcom next year that we're pitching as "Home Improvement" meets "Seventh Heaven." I can't disclose details, but we are very close to signing on with a top-notch network and starting production soon. "The Sander Man" basically follows the arc of Willie's life: a hugely famous and beloved former sitcom star gets clean with the help of God and power-sanding, and he starts his own cable show in L.A., "Sander Time," devoted to power-sanding; each episode follows the offstage high jinks and hilarious misunderstandings Willie's character (named Billie Jaames) gets into. The show will also deal with more "serious" issues that confront a God-fearing person in secular L.A., such as drugs, sex, and the generally lax morality that has infected our nation. We anticipate "The Sander Man" will do particularly well in the 18-49 male red state demographic, with some spillover into females 35-49.

In the same way that Tim Allen capitalized on the popularity of "Home Improvement" by starting his Tim Allen Signature Line of power tools, we believe that Willie's inevitable success (he has a great track record with sitcoms) will make him the country's most visible power-sanding authority. As I said before, Willie has a deeply personal relationship with the Milwaukee brand, and he does not want to do an endorsement for the money, but because he believes so strongly in the product. Once "The Sander Man" is a hit, however, he will have to be more discriminating with his endorsements. So we're offering Milwaukee the chance to get in on the ground floor, before Willie's star fully shines again and his energies are more divided.

Thank you once again for the generous offer; Willie appreciates it, though his sense of spiritual justice prohibits him from accepting free power-sanders.

Best,
Derek

Derek,

I could see us integrating our tools into the program in some capacity, please keep me updated on the progress.

Please be cautious on the success of the Tim Allen tools. We actually represented the tools years ago, and they failed miserably by many people's standards. Also, I think it will be hard to duplicate the success of the show.

If Willie would like free shirts, carpenters pencils, hats or safety shades to exemplify his admiration, please advise. A much smaller level of gift compared to the tools...

Best,
Tom

I had yet to contact Willie Aames, and I didn't know what I would otherwise do with a bunch of safety shades and so on, so I didn't want to take advantage of Tom's goodwill, but I had a few other ideas for how to integrate Milwaukee into Willie's projects :

Tom, I'll definitely keep you posted on "The Sander Man." As for integrating the tools into the program, that would of course be up to the network, but we are hoping to secure "final cut" directorial privileges for Willie, and I will try to add an in-program power-tool endorsement clause to the contract.

As for Tim Allen's line of tools, I didn't want to say anything before out of industry decorum, but, yes, according to Willie they weren't commensurate to what the level of acting and writing on "Home Improvement" implicitly promised in a power-tool line: quality craftsmanship at an affordable price.

Willie again thanks you for the offer of smaller gifts, but would find accepting even those un-Christian (including the carpenter's pencils--ironic, huh?). However, he is planning on letting companies "sponsor" the construction of his church in L.A. to defray costs, and would like to give Milwaukee the first crack at it. For a very low price, we would install Milwaukee ads and logos on the outside and inside of the church. Willie wants to do this tastefully, of course, so interior advertising would be at a spatial minimum, but would still carry a great deal of visual impact. For instance, the slots that hold the Bibles in the pews could carry a Milwaukee ad visible only when the Bibles were removed, and the inside covers of the Bibles could feature your logo. Willie is kicking around the idea of branding the pulpit, as well, although this might be too distracting. In his experience, people are very open to powerful ideas and images while in church, and connecting Milwaukee power-sanders to religious enlightenment could prove beneficial to your company's profit margins, Willie's church, and, of course, the most important business partner anyone could have, Jesus.

It goes without saying at this point that Willie would be interested only in power-sanding advertisements in his church.

Best,
Derek

Derek,

I appreciate all the updates, and love the thinking behind the initiatives. I cannot present the church option. Religious affiliation, of any group, is not appropriate, there are too many liabilities. I hope you understand.

The show would be our best option. Please stay in touch.

On a personal, selfish request, would love an autographed photograph if ever possible. I grew up in the 80s with Willie and the show - very young, but extremely aware...

Best,
Tom

A closet Aames fan! Tom was so helpful and friendly, and I felt so guilty for taking up his time, that I vowed to help him out, though I couldn't be sure Aames would provide us with one:

Tom,

I see your point about the liability, and I'll bring it up to Willie. Perhaps the separation of church and power-sanders is wise.

Regarding growing up with Willie, I can definitely identify. I was a HUGE CiC-head in the eighties, and tried, in my own acting career, to emulate Willie's Sidekick Method techniques. My career ended after a few failed sitcom pilots (not all of us have Willie's talent!), but a few years ago, when Star Talent offered to have me rep him, I was like, "What? Are you serious?" They were like, "Yes, we're serious--Willie is poised to make a major comeback and we know you're a big fan and will treat his affairs with the diligence they deserve." That's not a verbatim quote, but it's the general sentiment.

Now, as a rule, Willie no longer autographs anything--it brings him back in a negative-ideation way to the early eighties, when EVERYONE wanted a piece of him, and he would, in his own words, "piss my signature in the snow if it meant getting a bump of Columbian marching powder or a piece of Baio's sloppy seconds." However, you've been so generous with your time that I'll look into it and see if Willie has any signed headshots lying around or if he'd be willing to make an exception for you. I'll try to get an answer back sometime this week--if it comes through, should we send it to your work address?

Best,
Derek

Derek,

That'd be huge...

Please send to work if available. But I do understand.

Tom

ENTER SANDMAN Willie's booty, courtesy of the good people at Milwaukee

Tom, just letting you know I talked to Willie, and it looks like he'll make an exception for you and send you a signed headshot. Hope to get it to you soon. Willie also had a change of heart about receiving Milwaukee promotional products (maybe even a sander?), as it'll benefit the construction of his church--does that offer still stand?

Best,
Derek

The sander proved too much, but Tom kept to his word and delivered a box of promotional materials that we passed along to Willie.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO
CLICK HERE TO READ THE TRANSCRIPT OF DEREK'S CALL TO WILLIE