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Generation Slap

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POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT Do today's Gen Yers believe in themselves a little too much?

A Conspiracy of Doting
It's not really the Millennials who are to blame; it's their parents. We're talking about a generation of boomers who posted "My Child Is an Honor Roll Student" bumper stickers on their minivans and wanted to designate playing volleyball as being a cruel and unusual punishment. Of course the Millennials think they're magic. They were spoiled.

Generation X survived AIDS, Reagan, the Cold War. But consider the stress Millennials face today: simultaneously maintaining Facebook, MySpace, and Flickr accountsNow the boomers are teaming up with the younger generation in a new campaign to further render us obsolete. Where a Gen Xer was likely to get a tongue-lashing for borrowing a stapler from his/her boomer boss, the Millennials are finding boomers to be loving mentors, eager to show them the ropes. After all, the kids who are now coming of age and entering the workplace are, well, their babies. Boomers were doting parents from the get-go, and now, as they're beginning to retire, they want to ensure that their children hold the keys to the throne. Even younger Gen Xers, who were in many cases also raised by boomers, are getting screwed. They have to sit back and watch their younger, Millennial siblings bask in a generational conspiracy of doting.

Let's face facts: The boomers always detested Generation X. They felt threatened by our youth, confused by our lack of earnestness, and deeply troubled by our lack of appreciation for James Taylor. The boomers' entire identity was wrapped around being young and progressive. Gen X was an affront to their place in the world. What's more, they never understood us, instead insisting that our archetypal achievement—the blueprint for what made us tick—was a tawdry Ben Stiller film that featured Ethan Hawke as a pouty, manically depressed James Dean.

Since the '90s, boomers have plotted to turn us into the redheaded stepchild of generations. We were slackers. Cynical. We loved Pauly Shore. (Okay, their animosity is legitimate here.) Even our name, Generation X, was a slur, indicating namelessness and the feeling of being overshadowed by the boom. As defined in Wikipedia, "X referred to the namelessness of a generation that was coming into an awareness of its existence as a separate group but feeling overshadowed by the boomer generation." Overshadowed? How about kicked to the curb with nothing but the jewel case from In Utero to keep us warm?

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BOOK OF THE TIMES New book Millennials Rising crowns Generation Y as the new "greatest generation"
One need look no further than the local newsstand to see the favoritism the Millennials have received. Whereas Generation X was routinely denigrated by the press, the Millennials have been compared to World War II's Greatest Generation. In Robert Strauss and Neil Howe's Millennials Rising: The Next Great Generation, the authors state authoritatively that "over the next decade, the Millennial Generation will entirely recast the image of youth from downbeat and alienated to upbeat and engaged."

Sure, Generation X survived AIDS, Reagan, the Cold War, Tipper Gore, and A Flock of Seagulls, but those adversities, suggest Strauss and Howe, pale in comparison to what Millennials face today. Consider the stress of having to juggle a 30-hour work week while simultaneously maintaining Facebook, MySpace, and Flickr accounts. It's enough to make your head spin! And maybe the Millennials never faced Hitler's forces on the beaches of Normandy, but had they been around in 1944 (and had the technology existed), you can bet they would have blogged about it.

Plus, who could forget 9/11? Not the Millennials. With an oh-so-precious, post-ironic earnestness, they collectively transform into Giuliani and bring up 9/11 should you question their fortitude.

Millennials Rising catalyzed the media's love for the Millennials and the adoration has been spreading ever since. Conducting an interview for a recent edition of 60 Minutes titled "The 'Millennials' Are Coming," Morley Safer asks a younger Wall Street Journal columnist rhetorically, "But isn't this generation [the Millennials], particularly of middle-class kids, really quite special? Aren't they, in some ways, much better than your generation, certainly mine?"

Great ... Morley thinks they're magic, too.



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X'ED OUT Even Generation X's magazine covers were hostile

Black Becomes White, X Becomes Y
The boomers' decades-long spin campaign against Generation X has entered a new phase as they've begun to promote Millennials at our expense. Lest you think I'm paranoid, the proof of their plot to elevate the so-called "Internet generation" can be discovered by anyone who knows how to use Google. As it turns out, my generation founded the company. So, to prove my point, let's Google back in time to provide a little context.

On Monday, July 16, 1990, the largely baby boomer–run Time published a cover story called "Twentysomething." It was the one of the magazine's best-selling covers in history, and introduced Generation X—we were known as the baby busters then—to the public, largely defining how we were perceived as a generation. Those who read it will recall that the piece possessed the journalistic muster of a Dateline story on poisonous dog food imports from China. In short, "Twentysomething" was meant to alarm the public into believing they'd raised a generation of stoic nihilists who, as one interviewee stated, were destined to be America's "carpenters and janitors." The only thing preventing us from flushing America's future down the toilet was our lack of initiative. We were too slack to flush.

Time hired two twentysomething turncoats to pen the piece, Ivy league alumni David M. Gross and Sophfronia Scott, two hack artists who were in no way representative of Generation X. During much of the '90s, Gross was a corporate finance lawyer. Scott, on the other hand, contributed to cover stories for People, including "The 50 Most Beautiful People," before becoming an online writing coach known as the "Book Sistah." For the sake of conciseness, I'll refer to Gross and Scott as GrossBookSistah from this point forward.

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BREAK TIME The slacker stereotype dogs Generation Xers
"They have trouble making decisions," sneered GrossBookSistah's opening sentence. "They have few heroes, no anthems, no style to call their own ... their anxious indecision creates a kind of ominous fog around them."

GrossBookSistah stopped just short of accusing Generation X of hating rainbows. The article managed to throw us a couple of bones, complimenting our "realism" and "good intentions," but GrossBookSistah's meager praise came across as a transparent attempt to provide "balance" in an article that essentially labeled Generation X as being pathetic.

Normally, I'd be content to let sleeping dogs lie—it has been nearly two decades, after all, since "Twentysomething" was published. But an onslaught of press praising Millennials for the very things my generation was despised for has begun to emerge. The double standards have opened old wounds.

Many of the generational double standards involve our shared reluctance to conform to the rules of a traditional nine-to-five job. Generation X, for instance, was derided as "inflexible" slackers who possessed no desire to climb the corporate ladder. "At a time when they should be graduating, entering the work force and starting families of their own," scoffed GrossBookSistah, "the twentysomething crowd is balking at those rites of passage." Those of us who did join the workforce, said GrossBookSistah, were "overly sensitive at best and lazy at worst." One expert interviewed for the article called us a generation that "refuses to pay its dues," while another said our reluctance to embrace the dying work ethic of the former generation left us "sounding like whiners."

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