Think New York has lost its edge? Meet Sandy Kane, cable's queen of dirty jokes

I was first introduced to the comedic stylings of Sandy Kane 10 years ago at a party called Foxy, where drunk guests were encouraged to perform filthy acts in exchange for drink tickets. As I downed my umpteenth vodka and catatonic, a half-naked floozy with lit birthday candles in her inverted nipples came onstage and started singing a little ditty titled "I'm Gonna Rock Around Your Cock Tonight."

Imagine Weird Al Yankovic with double-Ds, stringing together corny Borscht Belt jokes and pornographic parodies of pop classics. Then you'll have a taste of Sandy's shows. In Kane's performances, Laura Branigan's "Gloria" becomes "a cocksucking warrior, from Queens, Astoria," sung in a nasal inflection that would make Fran Drescher's hair fall out, all while Sandy shakes her startlingly white, startlingly bare ass.

In addition to being a late-night staple with her show, Sandy Kane's Midnight Blew, Ms. Kane is a lovable throwback to Times Square gone by, and has lived quite a life—as a singer-songwriter, public access TV star, and as the world's foremost (and only, I think) stripper comedienne.

Here, the bawdy vaudevillian chats candidly with Radar about her stripper salad days, (alleged) rapes of the rich and famous, and tells New York–hating Madonna where to go.

Warning! Language and images are very much NSFW!

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RADAR: Where did you grow up?
SANDY KANE: I was born a little JAP in Newark, New Jersey, which used to be all Jews. I never even met a Gentile till I left home. I thought a Gentile was a floor covering. In 1970, I moved to NYC.

How does a Jersey JAP get into stripping?
It was never my dream to drop my top for a living. Even when I'm in a steam room, I'm shy. I leave my panties on. But when the rent is due, you gotta do what you gotta do. I had no money, but I did know this this lesbian named Lightning, a stripper from Show World who looked like Barbra Streisand. She knew my situation and said, "Okay, be here tomorrow at 11 a.m."

Wow, they open early. For the lunch crowd, I guess.
The peepshow booths there were the best thing I ever did in my life. People were awesome at Show World. "You drop it, we mop it!"

The strip club manager asked me, "Did you steal Sherry's muffin?" I said no, but there were crumbs on my titties. They told me, "Pack up your g-strings and get the fuck out"An oldie but a goodie. So you were working in the peepshow booths ...
I was nervous at first. Some customer was like, "Bend over and show me your asshole." I was crying, saying I can't do this. Lightning said, "Wait a minute. You got tits, you got a pussy, you can do this."

That's actually a good motto to live by.
That bitch Lightning was right. I worked everywhere: the Metropole, Mardis Gras, the Las Vegas Club, which was really sleazy—you were totally naked and the poor men were charged $100 for glasses of seltzer.

You couldn't have booze and beaver in the same room.
It's still that way. Then I worked at Flashdancers. But was fired for stealing another stripper's muffin.

DIRTY PRANCING Ms. Kane's bawdy take on the '80s anthem "Gloria"

What? Wait, really? That's hilarious.
It was in the dressing room. I was hungry! The manager asked me, "Did you steal Sherry's muffin?" I said no, but there were crumbs on my titties. They told me, "Pack up your g-strings and get the fuck out." So, I was taken out by a blueberry muffin. Eventually I started doing open mikes and got my start in comedy.

And you've been a late-night television staple for how long now?
Fourteen years in July! I won the public access Oscar for the show, which used to be called Sandy Kane's Blue Comedy Show. Now I call it Sandy Kane's Midnight Blew. There's no money. It's a labor of love. I mean, my own mother has never watched it, God bless her, kenahora.

Do you miss the old sleazy Times Square?
You know, Madonna recently said in Vanity Fair, "New York isn't what it used to be in the '80s, when I was coming up." I was offended. It's like, Fuck you, Madonna, you cunt! New York is still the greatest city in the world. It sure beats fucking London. Stay there. How dare you, bitch!

But you've got to admit, the old days were fun.
Yeah I liked the Midnight Cowboy Times Square, with the dirty movie theaters, like Box Lunch, Deep Throat. It was forbidden ... why not be sleazy? The three-piece-suit squares would come after work, masturbate, and go home to the wife and kids.

Tell me about the time you were assaulted by Phil Spector.
He came to see me at the Improv. I was dating David Brenner at the time, who I was crazy about. I was never into musicians, only comics. Men who made me laugh got to my pussy—as long as they had cocaine! But Phil had a big stretch limo and was wearing a black cape.