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8. Lauren Conrad
The Secret Bitch
Since her Laguna Beach days, LC has cultivated the ultimate good-girl image for the MTV camera, tearily getting trampled by boys to men ranging from Stephen Colletti to Jason Wahler to Brody Jenner. But we're not buying it anymore. As Conrad's reality show star has risen, so it seems has her bitchiness level. In The Hills bonus episodes, witness the way in which she insists on keeping little Heidi Montag X-ed out of her circles, coolly accepts an apology from Stephanie Pratt like she's sitting on a throne and not in a plastic chair in computer class, or rips Brody Jenner a new one in a crowded club. Sure, Heidi seemed pretty nasty when she stepped in on coworker Elodie's promotion last year, but if there's any girl on The Hills you wouldn't want to find yourself on the wrong side of, it's LC, with her sugar-sweet smile that also bites and chews.

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7. Heather Mills
The Crazy Bitch
When her divorce settlement came in at the paltry sum of $48.6 million, Mills reminded us all of an important tenet of bitchdom: Bitches don't always get what they want, but they make sure you hear about it. For Mills, that meant capping off the divorce proceedings with a splash, literally. She doused Paul McCartney's lawyer with a glass of water in the High Court, and then laughed, saying she had been "baptized in court." Another bitchy lesson to be gleaned from Heather's plight, even if you didn't get what you wanted: Pretend you did. Mills did just that by saying she was pleased with the settlement number, despite the fact that she had previously sought more than five times that amount.