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No Country for Fat Chicks

(continued)

2004
13 Going on 30

13to30.jpg
CLOSET QUEEN Jennifer Garner in 13 Going on 30

According to the "female Big," here are your choices: You can be a duplicitous bitch on wheels with a high-powered job in publishing who takes a car service everywhere, has a closet full of couture, and lives alone in a great apartment in a doorman building in Manhattan. Or you can stay true to your dork self and marry the boy next door and evince no outward evidence of any career ambitions whatsoever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the "Thriller" dance scene. Whatever. The "happy ending" comes when Jennifer Garner's character dumps her career for love, marriage, and a pink house. In suburban New Jersey. Talk about settling. Has no one heard of the PATH train?

Runners-up
Spanglish: James L. Brooks, alleged sensitive-guy director, gives us maternal monster Téa Leoni. A high-powered career woman who goes off the rails once she loses her job, she channels her energy into telling her preteen daughter that she's fat and criticizing her husband. Audiences are supposed to cheer when the schlubby chef, played by Adam Sandler, falls for foxy Mexican maid Flor instead.

She Hate Me: Spike Lee asks us to believe that a bunch of well-heeled lesbians would pay $10,000 to be impregnated the old-fashioned way and get off on it.

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