Endorse Ron Paul! Out your agent! One-up Julia Roberts! All with Radar's Oscar acceptance speech generator

(Photo: Getty Images)

Follow the guidelines and fill in the blanks below to create your own offensively self-congratulatory Academy Award speech.

(Photo: Getty Images)

Wow. Oh boy. I wasn't going to prepare a speech, but my $radlib_1 told me I'd jinx myself if I didn't. So, thanks, $radlib_2! [Pause. Inhale deeply. Nod to Jack Nicholson.] I'd like to thank the Academy. I'd like to thank the $radlib_3, $radlib_4, $radlib_5 actors I was nominated with. Just to be included in a group with you all is an honor. I'd like to thank my manager, $radlib_6, my agent, $radlib_7, my stylist, and all the immensely talented people at $radlib_8, Harvey Weinstein, $radlib_9, and $radlib_10.

I'd also like to thank my parents, who supported me through $radlib_11. And $radlib_12, my one ... true ... love [gaze into audience]. Last, but certainly not least, we all just lost $radlib_13, a truly $radlib_14 visionary and $radlib_15 soul. [Begin tearing.] I'd like us to take a moment to ... No! $radlib_16! Don't start playing that music, I have $radlib_17 more people to go! My editor $radlib_18, my accountant $radlib_19, my lawyer $radlib_20, and my personal assistant $radlib_21, Josh at $radlib_22 Pictures. Brad Grey. When we started this project, $radlib_23 was something no one wanted to talk about. Victims of $radlib_24, this is for you! Thank ...

[Music swells.]