21. I hope no one minds that I invited Ian Ziering.
22. Who wants to see Bee Movie again after dinner?
23. College is so awesome.
24. Who wants to see my iPod?
25. I've accepted a job as a karaoke-themed reality-show producer.
26. I'd like to thank all of you for providing me with so much depression-memoir material.
27. Turkey? I just figured this year we'd order a bunch of Pizza Hut Oreo pizzas.
28. Packers–Lions, Jets–Cowboys, Colts–Falcons, plus four hours of pregame excitement. Maybe I'm overcompensating for my latent homosexuality, but that sounds like entertainment to me!
29. Man, I completely roasted my glutes today at the gym—feel.
30. Here's everything I stole from the shelter today.
31. Got-damn, I'd love to be the Ann Curry meat in an Al Roker–Matt Lauer sandwich.
32. "Waited on a line of greens and blues ...." Sorry, was I singing out loud?
33. Would you guys prefer the stripper to arrive before or after dessert?
34. This reminds me of that Brady Bunch Thanksgiving episode, except without all the love.
35.I swear to God, if Grandpa tries to feel me up one more time ...
36. If anyone finds a whole toenail with green fungus in the stuffing, it's probably mine.
37. Waterboarding's not that bad—we haze freshmen with it all the time.
38. So, Tuesday morning, I'm uploading to YouPorn, and ...
39. Instead of grace, I'd like to read aloud my doctoral dissertation, Lost and Found: Antonymic Contradictions in Milton's "Paradise Regained."
40. Our real mother's a better cook. Well, not really, but I hate you.
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